You can't special order awesome
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
