For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
