What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sext me about skeletons
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
