Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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