how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
