THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
