Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
