Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
