We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
