If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
