I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
