Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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