No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
