Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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