The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
