I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
