The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
