he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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