I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
