I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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