I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
