So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
