forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
