I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
