his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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