Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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