Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
