I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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