He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
