Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
