I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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