Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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