oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
