that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
