you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
there is puke in my bra ... again
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