I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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