I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
