dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
