Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
