I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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