Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she smelled like a LAN party
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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