What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
