Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
