What did we do last night that was yellow?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
