If i come over, it means nothing
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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