I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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