How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
