kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
