I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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