Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
