her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
