possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
