Tell her she can't have a vagina
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
