hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
