Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
