Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
